#33- When You Aren't Getting What You Really Want
If you believe in God or any sort of higher power and If you have something that you’re struggling with, this podcast episode is for you.
If you’re one of those trigger-warning-happy people, I’m warning you now, there are triggers. However, also know this, I believe that until you face your triggers, you will never outgrow them.
Like a kid who absolutely refuses to walk outside, because there are spiders. And until they face the fact that yes, the spiders may trigger you and they might be there, but there is still beauty in the world.
You may have fears, but unless you face the trigger and do it anyway you may never know what’s there for you to experience. If you are ready to follow along with my journey and the triggers that I face and the beauty that came with all of that. Then, you are in the right place.
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The Major Areas Where We May Struggle
We are so verbally abusive to ourselves. Start paying attention and you would be surprised.
And I’ve been in what you would call the “personal development” space since I was a pre-teen; yet still didn’t fully comprehend emotions for what they truly are.
For those of you that have heard of life coaching, I learned the most popular model around the time I was 12. When I tell people this, they usually respond with “that must have made high school amazing!”
But, my experience was quite the contrary. What I have received from coaches from that school is the idea that “I am in control of my emotions”, therefore If I want to feel a different emotion, I need to think of different thought. This is intended to be very empowering but actually became very discouraging to me.
My biggest struggle with that concept, is that it leads to the idea that “I am not good enough”, because I can’t change my thoughts. I can do it temporarily but I can’t change my thoughts for good, and therefore I am responsible for my own depressed feeling. I’m creating my own frustration, depression, and sadness.
I think, however, that the challenge was really that I didn’t understand what emotions or “trials” are. And I don’t particularly care what model you learned, it’s not going to work in the long term if you don’t really understand those 2 things.
So, I’m going to go through what I have learned this week, what resources really have been changing my life, and what exactly emotions are. If you want to have this discussion with me, click here.
Recognizing Your Assignment
There is an area in our lives that is challenging for us. Each of us have one – and none of us can avoid it. It will likely fall into one of “The Big Four Areas”
- Temporal needs
Every single one of us has at least one area that is difficult for us or that is just a struggle we are facing with. And you will start to realize that is part of what makes us human.
Now, how do we recognize this? You will know when you get there. Because it would be your greatest struggle. It will cause you the most grief, tears, heartache, and frustration. It will make you the most angry at God.
Because we tie our identities so closely with the outcome, like the result will answer the question: “Who Am I?”
For example, my whole Identity was, “If I can’t make this work, then maybe I’m broken, maybe I’m not good enough, maybe I’m not meant for this.” And that hurts even more because I want it so badly.
And in this example, I will tell you the one lesson on emotions that had the greatest impact on my life. Emotions are simply your internal lie detector. Given to tell you if what you are telling yourself is true or a lie. Please stop labeling them as “bad” or “good”, but just accept that they are there as a gift to you – to guide you through life.
Why You Can’t Have It Yet.
Hindsight vision is 20/20, right? So looking back I can see why I couldn’t have it. There was so much pleading, begging, and feeling of desperateness around what I wanted. If you have this sense of urgency – that’s exactly why you can’t have it yet.
Like if you need to have it, and stat!
So you can have what you have always wanted, so you can fit in, so you can reach your dream . . .
Because you feel that you are not complete without it.
This is a journey. There are deep lessons we need to learn about who we really are and that you can be happy, you can feel complete, without all the perfect external things. And that’s the beauty in that. You have to feel complete first.
4 Steps to Getting It.
- Recognize the place your fear has taken. Fear has many forms and comes up in many different ways.
- Recognize the “shoulds” stopping your flow.
- Pray to see with love instead of fear.
- Turn it over and surrender the weight of what you think “should” be.
Like I said before, it is a journey. The steps may be very simple, but because of the emotional charge of the circumstance, we may make it more difficult. And in that, there is beauty too.
So if you resonate with this and want someone to talk to about what is going on for you, let’s chat like friends drinking hot chocolate, warmed by a cabin fire, and watching the snow fall peacefully out the massive windows before us.
These are two of the books that have really changed my life and my perspective of my difficulties. I highly recommend them both! **As an Amazon Affiliate I may earn a commission for qualified purchases.