35 - "How Can I Help Others When I'm Still Working Through a lot of Personal Struggles?"

“The stupidity of people comes from having an answer for everything. The wisdom comes from having a question for everything.” -Milan Kundera

First of all, you’ll know this episode is for you if you are fantastic at coming up with great ideas that would be so great at helping people, yet you do not successfully do any of them. Because you “don’t have time”, “don’t have a following”, “don’t have anything to sell”, or “are not the expert”.

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At the beginning of my business, I was behaving in a way that I now call a “pusher” – someone who tries to reach her goals by pushing and by forcing and by making things happen. Someone who really works hard, figures all the things out on her own, and is aiming for super productive and busy.

This is a super-over-productivity focused on getting more done in a day. The problem with this is there was a lot of busyness, but there is no progress. I was not going anywhere and I was really upset. I was really struggling and I wanted to quit.

One night as I was talking with my husband about it, I asked, “Why is it not working?” And as I said it, a thought came to me instantly: “The presence of this emotion is existing solely because you are relying on your own strengths.”

I was relying on my own, a strength which is very limited. This behavior allowed every limitation that I had to become a block to the success that I wanted as well as a block to the people that I wanted to help in my business. I was pushing frantic.

This kind of pushing, forceful energy is not what was needed.

If you are a “pusher”, I now have three questions for you:

When Will You Be Able to Help Others?

This was a tricky question for me, specifically around money. I want you to ask as well, but really listen. 

You know, our logical mind will come up to something but I’m not asking your logic, I’m asking your intuition and your heart because that will really make a difference.

When I really got down into this question, I felt like I couldn’t. I wasn’t capable of helping other people build their dreams or work through a lot of their internal struggles because I was, and am, still working through a lot of them. Still growing and learning.

You see, the answer to when I would be ready was really “never”, because I was expecting perfection. Every single one of us is not perfect. Every one of us has struggles. That sort of expectation is less than helpful!

Part of being human is continually is stepping into the next level. Each level has its own personal struggle and part of that struggle will equip you to face the next level. We face struggles regularly, until we die. So, are you saying you will wait until you’re dead to help people? I don’t think so.

When Will You Be Able to Help Others?

One of my challenges as a coach is that when I talk to clients I’m gonna offer them longer contracts to really help them grow. That’s a lot to commit to. But it’s not really the schedules it was the fact that was afraid.

There was a lot of emotional pressure to be happy all the time, to be putting up positive vibes all the time. There was a part of me that says, “I deserve to get clients & customers when I’m able to sustain a really high emotional state.” That was my struggle, my inability to sustain being “happy” in every way and every day.

You don’t have to be perfectly happy and in perfect “positive vibes” constantly. That’s perfection. Why are you expecting yourself to be perfect? To never have a bad day? To never struggle? 

When Will You Deserve Clients and Customers?

One of my challenges as a coach is that when I talk to clients I’m gonna offer them longer contracts to really help them grow. That’s a lot to commit to. But it’s not really the schedules it was the fact that was afraid.

There was a lot of emotional pressure to be happy all the time, to be putting up positive vibes all the time. There was a part of me that says, “I deserve to get clients & customers when I’m able to sustain a really high emotional state.” That was my struggle, my inability to sustain being “happy” in every way and every day.

You don’t have to be perfectly happy and in perfect “positive vibes” constantly. That’s perfection. Why are you expecting yourself to be perfect? To never have a bad day? To never struggle? 

When Will You Finally Be Enough?

When will you finally be enough for yourself to accept who you are, to accept your humanity, to honor your journey and stop beating yourself up every time you messed up? Every time you make a mistake even when you know you should be better?

Honor your journey. Learn to forgive yourself. Accept that you are always good enough for THIS moment.

Oneness Sets You Free

We judge because it allows ourselves to be different and somehow we gain pleasure in that.

But we are one, we are all human, we all have our emotions, struggles, fears, love. The moment you start judging other people is the moment we start separating, we start creating all manner of “ite’s”

Forgive yourself and accept that you are human. Recognize moments that you are judging because seeing it is the first step in changing it. 

Stop judging yourself to be different from other people. It’s a process of honoring, accepting, forgiving yourself and allowing yourself to be human. Lessen the pressure of perfection.

Note: As an Amazon Affiliate, I make a commission off qualified purchases. Thank you for supporting this work empowering others to make the impace they were meant to make.

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